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On this day in 1995: "We both hurt, but your hurt wears fists"

Submitted by sally_jean.shac... on Tue, 25/11/2008 - 17:12
in

On this day, 13 years ago, Susan Hamilton Sithole was stabbed to death by her husband. She was packing her bags at her flat, and had taken 2 friends and the police with her as a precaution. Her husband had been violent for some time, and she always thought she was strong enough to stop the violence - to make him see that his violence was destrong them both.When her friends went downstairs, he took a knife from the kitchen and stabbed her over and over again.He was sentenced to 11 years in prison for the murder.

 Susan called me just over a week before her death to ask how to get a protection order. I was working at People Opposing Women at the time. We spoke again after that - she told me how frustrating the process had been. Not a lot has changed in 13 years - getting an Interdict is a whole day affair - if you get one at all. Women still live under threat of their partner's violence. And for some women, escaping the violence means leaving your whole life behind.

We still dont have the right tools to deal with extreemly violent men - and when women tell me that their partners have a gun, are not afraid of the police and have made death threats, my heart goes cold. These are women who will be faced with an attempt at their lives at some point. And those of us receiving those calls have so few options - shelters are full, they dont take teenage boys and some cant take children at all, she still has to go to work and he knows where she works, he has threatened her family members... their just arent enough solutions.

What we need is state support for emergency sheltering for women and children - even if it's a hotel for a week. We need workplaces that will respond to her situation by giving her leave or offering increased security at work. We must have longer term sheltering - where security is a priority, and were her children can also feel safe. We must offer support to her and her children in the longer term to deal with the trauma.

We must act, or Susan Sithole's name will be among thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, more. 

"At first I had to fight to say Stop 
or you lose me. Now after so many times
I have no fight anymore
Just an ache where i used to have a heart.
Just a tiredness where there used to be laughter.
Just a numbness where i used to be alive.
We both hurt, but your hurt wears fists
I just break, skin, bone and heart
Pain is wearing my husbands face. 
Please can we stop. Please.

This poem was written by Susan Hamilton Sithole who was killed by her 
husband on the 25 November 1995.
Refers to blog topic: 
Rea blogga! Blogathon
Refers To Conference: 
The South African Domestic Violence Act National Conference, 26 - 28 November 2008, Johannesburg, South Africa

Comments

raod travelled

Submitted by mfazi on Wed, 26/11/2008 - 20:01.
yes, we have travelled a long road since the launch of the 16 days campaign and yet violence against women and children still continues and its getting worse! we need to start by education our children, in a country where boys are still raised to be men, they witness gender based violence daily. they are raised to be macho man, not to cry when they hurt. Men don't cry, they say. Government need to do something to intervene, its not enough to only see activism during the 25 nov- 10th dec, thereafter, deafening silence! the issue of violence against women and children affect so many aspect of lives and yet it seems to be treated as an exclusive sixteen days issue. I agree with those that says government interventions need to be stepped up, we need more security for those that need help. we say women need to speak up yet our systems fail those that speak out. in this day and age dockets still go missing, women are still told to go and sort out their family issues with their husbands when reporting cases of domestic violence. I wish the world could be a better place for our children, for future generations we need to make this campaign a 365 activity.

Another World is Possible

Submitted by Keba.sebetoane on Wed, 26/11/2008 - 11:22.

These are the sad and painful issues our sister and mothers face, I can imagine how they are affecting the families and friends. 

Most of these women who face such violence, I mean to a point of death nogal, feels that these men will change but no. Men were raised to be powerful and enforce that power, how ironic, to women.Wasn't that power made to love, protect and nurture?

Is it fear of the unknown that women has? I mean, they have been in relationships with their boyfriends and husbands for so long in that they aren't used to being without them.

This violence on women has been going on for far too long now, we really need realistic and strategic ways of combarting this kind of abuse in our communities, families and society at large. 

I would love to raise my daughter in a safe and violent free envorionment, I would love my son to know that women are human and should be treated with love and respect as they carry a lot than anyone in this world.