Speak Up!

I recall when I was about 6 or 7 and I had my first experience of domestic violence. It happened when my brother and I were sent by our grandmother to go get some bread from the spaza down the road. When we arrived a woman, with a baby on her back, and a man (I assume it was her boyfriend) were having a very heated, very loud argument on the side of the road. I don't remember what was said - what I do remember is a crowd of spectators slowly building up around these two and after some heated words, the fists that the man laid on her body - and the baby. I had never seen anything so brutal in my life and I was clearly traumatised by it - because while I vaguely remember anything about my life at 6, I remember that incidence quite vividly. I never went back to that store again. Later on in life - when I was 11, I found myself experiencing something similar. I was in primary school and I didnt like the boyfriend of my best friend at the time - and I let him know this. He was a year older than me and too bossy for my liking. During second break - I came head to head with him and I told him exactly how little I think of him - my rant came to a quick halt as he slapped me across the face. As he was preparing to do it again - one of the teachers stepped in and stopped him. While I think I got off easier than the woman with the baby on her back - I think that our situations are actually quite similar. In both instances, there were crowds of people standing around us witnessing the abuse - but not a single person spoke out against it or stepped in to stop it. As you may gather from second story - i've always been quite vocal - so silence around abuse concerns me greatly. So many people are prepared to watch - but are not willing to help put a stop to it. While part of it is the fear that stepping in means putting themselves in the line of danger and risking their own jaws - I think that most of it really stems from notions and beliefs that violence is okay. Secondly - we both got hit by men who deemed us to be overstepping our boundaries. Speaking out of turn, speaking of things which are not your place will get you in a situation with some men. The notion that a woman is a subordinate, that she belongs only within a certain space and that when she steps out of those confines created for her - she should be beat back into her place - are rife today. Abuse is obviously more complex than my two key experiences - but it still is abuse. We need to all speak out, speak up about what we've seen and heard - because destroying the circles of spectatorship and hushed distancing is a good start.